Ah, the wisdom of ages passed down through the generations.

Living in sin. We learnt that was unacceptable in the Eyes of God. You couldn’t live as man and wife unless you had paid for a licence blessed by the church. Those passing on this valuable piece of information didn’t necessarily go to church or even believe in God but they passed it on to their offspring just the same. After all, what would Mr and Mrs Watkins say? The very shame of it would take some living down. At the very least the young couple must be expected to move right out of the area so a pretence could be claimed by the parents that they’ve moved to say, Thurrock via Gretna Green. And that it was all so sudden even the parents didn’t get to attend the wedding but then that’s impetuous young people for you nowadays isn’t it? Just grabbed two witness off the street from the passing multitude. But when love bites it bites hard and the young are led a merry dance through its weaving coils.

“They are married then?” enquired Mrs Whittaker, sceptically

“No daughter/son of mine would live in sin! – you can take my word for that, Mrs Whittaker”

Leading us to..

“Was she in the family way by any chance?”

“Well, of course not, Mrs Whittaker. No daughter/son of mine would have a child out of wedlock! What kind of a family do you think we are? ” Oh no, our child has been brought up with the very best of manners and standards”.

“Well, I’m sure they’ll make a lovely couple”

“Have you noticed the price of Brussels sprouts lately? Why only the other day Mr Biggins was selling them for…”.

Having a child out of wedlock. Wedlock. Like a lock to hold together two beautiful people? Or a lock on the drunk tank in the local police cells. You’d be OK locked in one but not the other. When the key to the lock turns it seems so final. To be banged up for the night could be both very good and very bad. And who holds the key is key to the issue.

If she had been pregnant what then?

Girls growing up often like a bit of rough. A guy from the wrong side of the tracks. A boy her mother wouldn’t like. Or her father. It established a bit of distance between the girl and her parents at a time of teenage rebellion. It demonstrated she had a mind of her own. Even if it also demonstrated it was yet to become fully formed. A tough guy looks after his girl and helps her if she strays from his indicated path by a well aimed slap from the back of his hand. She is learning to speak when spoken to. He is the master of the house. Not that he’s got one – he still lives with his mum but he rides a moped. To his unexceptional mind a bad motor scooter. Being leader of the pack he was knowledgeable of all the things he believed he needed to know – rolling a roll-up, rolling the occasional spliff, rolling off his moped when cornering too fast in the wet, rolling over in bed to avoid coming down to household chores. He knew about sex too. He’d read Parade and snatched a glimpse at Mayfair on the top shelf in WH Smiths. He also knew how to pull the cap off a bottle of Courage Light with his teeth. He could sign on for unemployment benefit – well, if you call “X” signing on. What more was there in life for him to learn? And it was after some rolling of tobacco into Rizzlas and imbibing of light ales that he suggested further rolling to his girl. Up against the wall behind the vicarage isn’t most girls idea of ideal but when you’re living life in the fast lane it’s just another whirl of a Saturday night.

Two months later she told him. He denied he was the father and accused her of sleeping with anyone whose name he could remember who lived locally two of whom she reminded him he was always calling queers. He struggled to accept it. You can’t make a virgin pregnant on her first go. It was a stated fact. Everyone knew it. He mulled over his position. She said he’d have to sell his moped to buy baby things. He mulled it over some more. She said she was telling her parents tonight and he should come with her. He said he was busy. As he walked over to his pride and joy he reprieved his view it wasn’t his child. He kick started her in much the same way he’d come to kick start future girlfriends and putt-putted off into the evening light.